NSAW 2025 | Lia's Story

I contacted Next Chapter after the police provided me with their number. I had reported stalking behaviour from my ex-husband. We had been separated for a few months, but he just couldn’t seem to accept that it was over.

During the relationship, he had been quite controlling with money, but there hadn't been anything I would say is abuse back then. It was only once the relationship ended that his behaviour really escalated. He kept contacting me, even after I told him clearly to stop. He started posting suicide notes both online and through my door. He sent endless messages blaming me, begging for another chance. Flowers. Gifts. It didn’t stop.

Eventually I reported it to the police, because nothing I said made a difference. That’s when I contacted Next Chapter and was allocated to an IDVA / ISAC. I was completely overwhelmed and had no idea how the police process worked or what I could do to protect myself and my children.

The situation kept getting worse. The police told me they would be arresting my ex, but he was still everywhere. Messaging, calling, emailing, posting on social media, even contacting people I knew. He hung around near my home and kept threatening suicide. I was exhausted — constantly on edge.

That’s when I was given a Clare’s Law disclosure. It confirmed what I was starting to suspect: He had a history. He’d been convicted of domestic abuse against an ex-partner. I kept reporting everything, but it felt like nothing was being done. I even made a formal complaint to the police. I started to question whether what I was experiencing was stalking. There had been no physical violence and no threats made. My IDVA taught me about stalking, the different forms this can take and it helped me to see that his behaviour was not okay. I did not feel safe, I felt scared and I did not want him to contact me. I understood I had a right to feel safe and for the police to protect me.

With support from my IDVA, we put safety measures in place — things like a Ring doorbell and a tailored safety plan. I also applied for a non-molestation order, since there were no bail conditions or protective orders in place at the time.

My IDVA really pushed the police to take more action. The Officer in Charge told us that arresting my ex was a priority. My IDVA also helped me apply for council housing, and I was heard at a multi-agency meeting where my IDVA advocated for a Stalking Protection Order to be considered. Although my ex continued with his behaviour, I felt stronger in knowing what actions I could take and that there were people there to help me.

A few weeks later, my ex was finally arrested. He was released on bail but continued contacting me. I kept reporting it and at the same time, I was granted an emergency non-molestation order. He didn’t listen to the order, and kept contacting me. He wasn’t done. He started pretending to be other people, people close to me. Impersonating them over email so he could contact me.

My IDVA continued to advocate for me and push for the police to take further action. My case was heard at something called a stalking intervention panel and it was here that police listened and understood mine and my IDVA’s concerns about my ex’s behaviour. They took my fear seriously. My case was transferred to the specialist domestic abuse team and a senior officer had oversight on the progression of the case. That change alone made me feel like the police were finally taking this seriously.

We found a safe address we could move to and throughout this process, my IDVA helped me to feel safe in the new address. A priority of mine was to make sure my ex did not know where I had moved to, and we talked through all the measures we could take to reduce that risk. I was beginning to feel safe again.

Even though I had moved, and the police were taking action, the stalking did not stop. My ex continued to contact me and each time I would update my IDVA. We would safety plan around this and she provided me with emotional support. My IDVA contacted the police and kept them updated and I continued to report breaches of bail. The police would get back to me quickly and I felt reassured that he was being looked into. The police applied for a stalking protection order and my IDVA helped shape the conditions by talking through what would help keep me safe.

Although I felt safer physically, the emotional impact of the abuse was significant. I had to continue through family court, through divorce and child arrangements. I couldn’t afford a solicitor and my IDVA sought guidance and advice herself through other professionals so she could support me through the process as much as possible. I’m so grateful — that guidance made a big difference and allowed me to focus my time and energy on my safety and wellbeing. She also helped me apply for legal aid and find firms that were taking clients. Eventually, I found someone to represent me.

The stalking continued. The behaviour always got worse around key dates — birthdays, our anniversary, court dates. But by then, we’d planned for that, and I felt more prepared.

At criminal court, my ex pleaded guilty and I was granted a restraining order. Because of this, the police did not pursue a stalking protection order. I felt frustrated and my IDVA raised this with the police. I didn’t want to fight it, I just wanted to be able to move forward. My IDVA understood and heard my wishes.

Right now, I’m in the middle of divorce proceedings, and still going through the family court process. It’s not easy. But through all of this, my IDVA helped me understand what is and isn’t acceptable. She helped me set boundaries, feel safer, and feel more in control. I know what to do now if something happens again.

Emotionally, it’s still hard. The long period of stalking and abuse took a real toll on my mental health. But I’ve come a long way — and I’m incredibly grateful for the support I’ve had, especially from my IDVA, who kept pushing even when it felt like nobody else was listening.

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The theme of National Stalking Awareness Week 2025 concerns how healthcare professionals can support victims. You can read our NSAW 2025 article on our blog now.